60903 IT'S A MERGER 

by   Robert Firari

Purpose:         To remind the audience that it takes work and communication to make a marriage last.

Theme:           Marriage; Communication

Scripture:       1 Peter 3:7-8

Church Year Season:     Any Season

Time:               5 minutes

Characters:   Terri-An unhappy housewife
Glen-A workaholic

Props:             1) Two chairs (to represent a car)

2) A set of keys

3) A business portfolio

Costumes:     Terri and Glen are dressed to go out for their 10th anniversary. Glen wears the same suit he wore to work; Terri is dressed up.

Sound:            Two wireless mikes

Lighting:         General stage

Setting:           Terri and Glen’s car

Director’s Notes:   Do some exercises with your actors to develop their inner monologues and their relationship. We need to see that this has been building up for a long time-it’s not just a temper tantrum for Terri. And Glen is truly clueless. He’s so absorbed in his work that he doesn’t understand what he’s doing to his family-he’s not even in touch enough to know her ceramics class ended a month ago. This is not a healthy relationship. That must all come out in the subtext as the actors play this scene. Also, rehearse the scene in a real car so the actors have the feeling of actually getting in and out of the car and slamming the doors. Then move to chairs. Their pantomimed actions will be much more believable if they’ve rehearsed in the real thing.

TERRI ENTERS, followed by GLEN, who is carrying a business portfolio. TERRI crosses to the passenger side of the car and waits. GLEN is obviously dragging his feet-something’s on his mind.

Glen

Um, would you mind driving, hon?

Terri

(Her back stays to GLEN) Sure, I’ll drive, if you’re too tired. Is that what it is, you’re too tired?

Glen

(Clearing throat quietly) I need to look Benson’s outline over before tomorrow. (Looking at TERRI’S back) I should have looked at it before the meeting today … you know?

Terri

(A distant look for a beat, then:) Oh yeah, I know. We’re supposed to be celebrating our 10th anniversary tonight. You know?

Glen

Honey, this account is crucial. And, although Roger is capable, sometimes he omits … (he trails off as TERRI turns to face him)

Terri

(Hurt for a second, then stern) Okay. We both know the routine. I say, “But Glen, you promised that you wouldn’t even think about work tonight. It’s our special date and we haven’t gone out in-“ And then you cut in and say, “All right, try to relax. I won’t work on our special date.” And I say, “Good. Thank you.” And you say something like, “But our special date doesn’t officially start until we reach the restaurant.” And I say, “Since when?” And you say-

Glen

Since I assigned Roger Benson to this account. (Looks at TERRI, pleadingly) Please, hon, it’s really important.

Terri

(Mildly sarcastic) It’s always really important if it has to do with work. (Exasperated) Give me the keys.

GLENN hands her the keys. TERRI crosses to the driver’s side of the car.

Glen

Thanks a million, hon. I knew you’d understand. And don’t worry, once we get to Chang’s you can count on me to be my witty and interesting self again. (He ducks into the car.)

Terri

(Hurt) Chang’s? I thought you were going to make reservations at the Landing. (She’s still outside the car)

Glen

But Chang’s is so much more intimate. We don’t have to battle the masses.

Terri

It’s never crowded at Chang’s because the waiters are pushy and the food contains enough MSG to give a cadaver a case of the shakes.

Glen

Ever try the Moo Goo Pork?

Terri

You forgot to make reservations, didn’t you.

Glen

Sorry.

GLEN opens the portfolio and starts studying. TERRI folds her arms and holds her ground. Eventually, GLEN realizes that TERRI is not getting in the car.

Glen

Let’s go, hon, I’m starving.

Terri

(Mostly to herself:) What’s the point? This is just another waste of my time. (She starts to EXIT.)

Glen

What do you mean, hon? What’s wrong?

Terri

You really don’t know, do you? (She looks into the car at GLEN, who shakes his head and shrugs.) This is our special 10th anniversary date, Glen, and you’re treating it like it’s a trip to Wal-Mart. We should be looking at each other, and having a few good laughs, and talking. We never really talk anymore.

Glen

Fine. (He closes his portfolio abruptly and shoves it under the seat.) Okay. What shall we talk about?

Terri

Well … (She gets in the car) It seems like we never talk about us anymore.

Glen

Us. All right. Let’s talk about us.

Terri

Good. You go first.

Glen

(Irritated) Honey.

Terri

Please, Glen.

Glen

(Not thrilled) Well, okay. Um … how’s the ceramics class going?

Terri

Actually, I haven’t done much ceramics since the class ended-a month ago.

Glen

I thought I noticed that you quit coming home with dried clay in your hair.

Terri

(Tenderly) Honey, I don’t want to talk about ceramics class, or Roy Benson’s outline. I want to talk about us. Start making plans again. You know?

Glen

It’s Roger.

Terri

What?

Glen

My partner. His name is Roger Benson. You said Roy.

Terri

(Indignant) See? That’s so typical. I’m trying to have a significant conversation, but you’re … stuck in this … this mire of insignificant details.

Glen

Hey! Let’s keep in mind that what I do about those “insignificant details” puts food on the table and provides for the payments on our happy little home.

Terri

What are you insinuating?

Glen

Nothing. I’m just saying-

Terri

(With growing anger) It was our mutual agreement that I would stay home after the kids were born. Remember? Keep in mind that I used to be out there in the work force, too. I was productive, and I was interesting, and I didn’t have to carry on conversations by myself. This isn’t a marriage anymore; it’s a merger. I’m not your wife; I’m just one of your minority partners.

Glen

(Placating) All right now, try to relax.

Terri

Not this time. I’ve had it! I stay home all day watching the kids and cleaning up after them and you, and the one time a year that we go out, you can’t even handle making reservations at a decent place and all you talk about is that idiot Roger Benson.

Glen

At least you got his name right.

Terri

Think I really care? (She gets out of the car.) I refuse to live like this anymore! (She slams the door.)

Glen

What are you trying to prove?

Terri

What am I …? No. You’re the proof. Our marriage is a failure and your lousy nonchalance proves it. (She EXITS briskly.)

Glen

Hey! Come back here! (Abruptly, he gets out of the car, slams the door, begins to EXIT, stops, retrieves the portfolio, then EXITS after her.)

Lights Out.