60992 NAME TAGS

By Rene Gutteridge

GENRE: Comedy
TIME: 6 minutes
CAST BREAKDOWN: 3M,4F
THEME: Christian Living
SCRIPTURE: Isaiah 43:1-2; 62:1-3
CHURCH YEAR SEASON: Pentecost; Epiphany
PURPOSE: To open a discussion on how the "names" people are called can affect who they become
SYNOPSIS:
The scene is a seminar on the power of names. First to arrive is a family of four: The wife, whose name is Quick Tempered; the husband, named Lazy All His Life; and their children, Always in Trouble and Painfully Shy. Waiting for the seminar to begin, they meet a dating couple: Will Never Get Married and Can't Commit to Anything. This hilarious script is a good way to open a discussion on how the names we call each other-even in jest-can affect our attitudes and behavior.
CHARACTERS:
Quick Tempered - A woman with a quick temper
Lazy All His Life - Her husband
Always in Trouble - Their son
Painfully Shy - Their daughter
Will Never Get Married - A 34-year-old woman
Can't Commit to Anything - Her boyfriend
Woman - The woman running the program
PROPS:
1) Table
2) Name tags
3) Punch bowl and glasses
COSTUMES: Contemporary clothing, appropriate to character
SOUND: Seven wireless mikes
LIGHTING: General stage
SETTING: A meeting room
DIRECTOR'S NOTES:
Have lots of fun with this script. The character names and their stereotypes are self-explanatory and should help the actors with character development. To keep the ending a surprise, don't make Woman sugary sweet throughout. She's pleasant, but not sugar-coated.

WOMAN sits at a name tag table as people make their way into the room. A family of four ENTERS.

WOMAN

Oh, hello there. Why don't you come over here and get a name tag.

QUICK TEMPERED

Why thank you. I'm Quick Tempered. This is my husband, Lazy All His Life, and our two children, Painfully Shy and Always in Trouble.

The boy, ALWAYS IN TROUBLE, begins picking on his sister, PAINFULLY SHY.

QUICK TEMPERED

(Snapping, losing her temper) Always in Trouble! Stop that! You know you're not allowed to pick on your sister!

WOMAN hands them all their name tags.

QUICK TEMPERED

(As they're all putting on their name tags) Honey, I forgot my purse in the car. Would you mind running back out there to get it?

LAZY ALL HIS LIFE

All the way to the car?

QUICK TEMPERED

Fine! I'll go to the car myself! Can you be any more lazy?! (She EXITS in a huff.)

LAZY ALL HIS LIFE

(To the kids) Hey, I see a table full of cookies back there. Why don't you two go grab a couple. And maybe get a few for me, too.

ALWAYS IN TROUBLE doesn't hesitate, but PAINFULLY SHY looks to her dad for reassurance.

LAZY ALL HIS LIFE

It's okay, dear. The cookies don't bite you, you bite them.

As the kids are off getting cookies, WILL NEVER GET MARRIED and CAN'T COMMIT TO ANYTHING ENTER and approach LAZY ALL HIS LIFE.

WILL NEVER GET MARRIED

Oh, hi there. We're new here.

LAZY ALL HIS LIFE

Oh, me, too. I'm Lazy All His Life.

WILL NEVER GET MARRIED

Nice to meet you. I'm Will Never Get Married, and this is my boyfriend, Can't Commit to Anything.

LAZY ALL HIS LIFE

Will Never Get Married. That's an interesting name.

WILL NEVER GET MARRIED

Yes, well, I got it from my mother. I'm 34 and she's scared to death she won't have any grandchildren. She's had that fear since I was 5.

QUICK TEMPERED ENTERS with her purse.

LAZY ALL HIS LIFE

Oh, honey, this is Will Never Get Married and Can't Commit to Anything. This is my wife, Quick Tempered.

QUICK TEMPERED

Nice to meet you both.

LAZY ALL HIS LIFE

Listen, I was just about to go get something to drink, since obviously there's no one bringing the punch to us. (To CAN'T COMMIT TO ANYTHING) Can I get you something?

CAN'T COMMIT TO ANYTHING

Yes. I mean, no. Wait. Yes, please. On second thought, no. Well, what are the choices?

LAZY ALL HIS LIFE

(Glancing at WILL NEVER GET MARRIED) Uh … why don't you come along, then?

CAN'T COMMIT TO ANYTHING

Okay. Oh, maybe I shouldn't. Well, all right. On second thought-

LAZY ALL HIS LIFE

(Dragging him by the arm) Don't make me drag you. I'm too tired for that.

LAZY ALL HIS LIFE and CAN'T COMMIT TO ANYTHING EXIT.

QUICK TEMPERED

So, are you two serious?

WILL NEVER GET MARRIED

Oh, I suppose I am more than he is. I guess he's commitment phobic, which apparently he's been since childhood. His mom says it all started when he couldn't decide what T-shirt to wear to school, and it's escalated from there.

QUICK TEMPERED

Well, how did you hear about this thing tonight?

WILL NEVER GET MARRIED

My friend, Succeeds at Anything, heard about it from her friend, Sweet as Can Be.

QUICK TEMPERED

I know Sweet as Can Be! (Getting a little angry) Quite frankly, she just makes me mad sometimes! She's just gushing with lovability. I mean seriously, can one person be that nice? (Snappy) I don't think so!

WILL NEVER GET MARRIED

So how did you hear about this?

QUICK TEMPERED

A guy from my husband's work, his name is Gets a Raise Every Year.

WILL NEVER GET MARRIED

(Gasping) I dated him!

QUICK TEMPERED

You're kidding! Why aren't you still dating him? (Spitefully) I mean, he's got to be the richest man around by now.

WILL NEVER GET MARRIED

Well, it's a long story, but it involves a woman by the name of Attractive Since Birth.

Slight, awkward silence.

WILL NEVER GET MARRIED

So, aren't you feeling a little weird about being here? I mean, I don't even know what to expect.

QUICK TEMPERED

Well, supposedly they're going to talk about labels people put on us that affect us for the rest of our lives. (Glancing offstage, screaming) Always in Trouble! I saw that! (Back to WILL NEVER GET MARRIED) I'm not sure what to expect, either. I mean, can it really be that big of a deal what people called you when you were little? (Calling offstage again) Painfully Shy, honey, come out from behind the table. Come on, it's okay, honey. There you go. (Back to WILL NEVER GET MARRIED) That child's like a wallflower. Anyway, Gets a Raise Every Year thought Lazy All His Life might benefit from it. But he was too tired to drive himself here, so I thought we might just as well come as a family.

LAZY ALL HIS LIFE and CAN'T COMMIT TO ANYTHING return with drinks, but only for themselves.

QUICK TEMPERED

You didn't get us anything to drink?

LAZY ALL HIS LIFE

What do I look like? A waiter?

CAN'T COMMIT TO ANYTHING

I thought about it, honey, but then I wasn't sure if you wanted punch or a soft drink, and then there was the whole issue of how many ice cubes to-

QUICK TEMPERED

Forget it! We'll get it ourselves.

QUICK TEMPERED and WILL NEVER GET MARRIED EXIT. WOMAN ENTERS and approaches the men.

WOMAN

How do you do? Nice to have you here. We'll begin in just one moment.

LAZY ALL HIS LIFE

Listen, I don't mean to sound rude, but are we going to have some chairs to sit on or what?

WOMAN

Yes, as soon as we begin.

CAN'T COMMIT TO ANYTHING

So, my girlfriend was telling me that supposedly you can help us change from being the negative things we've been called our whole lives?

WOMAN

(Smiling) That's the whole idea. You see, names are powerful, and people can become what they are called, even if what they're being called is just in jest.

CAN'T COMMIT TO ANYTHING

Well, I wouldn't totally agree with that, although I can see your point. Still, that's kind of strange thinking, but it makes perfect sense.

QUICK TEMPERED, WILL NEVER GET MARRIED, ALWAYS IN TROUBLE and PAINFULLY SHY ENTER.

WOMAN

(As they approach) What beautiful children you have!

LAZY ALL HIS LIFE

Uh … why, thank you.

WOMAN

They look so bright and full of promise!

LAZY ALL HIS LIFE

(Smiling gratefully) What a nice thing to say. I'm sorry, I don't think I caught your name.

WOMAN

Jesus Loves Me. (She smiles.) Excuse me a moment, will you please? (She EXITS.)

Lights out.

OPTIONAL ENDING: Ending the script with this line can stimulate conversation in your group by trying to determine what the woman's name might be. LAZY ALL HIS LIFE (Smiling gratefully) What a nice thing to say. I'm sorry, I don't think I caught your name. Woman smiles. Lights quickly fade to black.

 

Copyright © 2001 by Rene Gutheridge