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61092 WE THREE KINGS
by John C. Havens
GENRE: Comedy
TIME: 7 minutes
CAST BREAKDOWN: 3M
THEME: Adoration of Christ
CHURCH YEAR SEASON: Christmas
SUGGESTED USE: General Church Service; Youth ServiceCHARACTERS:
THREE WISE MENSYNOPSIS: The three wise men try to write a song worthy of the newborn Savior only to realize they need to be on their knees rather than caught up in their thoughts.
PROPS: Boxes for gold, frankincense, and myrrh
COSTUMES: Regal robes or modern suits to simulate royalty
SOUND: Three wireless mics
LIGHTING: General stage lighting, single spot to simulate star if possible
SETTING: Bare stage
SCRIPTURE REFERENCE: Psalm 51:17
ONE: I need to rest. My neck is killing me.TWO: That's because you keep looking up all the time.
ONE: I can't help it. I can't keep my eyes off that star. (He lifts his head up again) Ow!
THREE: You okay, buddy?
ONE: Yeah. (He rubs his neck)
THREE: I thought you spilled your frankincense.
ONE: What'd you call me?
THREE: (Points to ONE's hands).
ONE: (Looks) Oh, no. We're good.
THREE: Glad to hear it.
ONE: How's your myrrh?
THREE: My what?
TWO: Your myrrh?
THREE: I can't understand him when he mumbles.
TWO: (Points at THREE's hands).
THREE: Oh, my myrrh. (Looks) It's fine. Yeah, this is some quality myrrh. How's the gold?
TWO: (Looks, sarcastic) Still shiny.
THREE: Excellent.
ONE: (Still rubbing neck) Don't you guys think we should have brought something else?
THREE: Something wrong with my myrrh?
ONE: There's nothing wrong with it. Nobody knows what it is, but there's nothing wrong with it.
TWO: What's your point?
ONE: My point is we're going to meet the MESSIAH. Yahweh, King of Kings. We need to give him something personal, not just these spurious trinkets.
THREE: Hey, don't sell yourself short. That's some quality frankincense.
TWO: Yeah. And I think the little guy's gonna appreciate the fact that we walked halfway across the earth barefoot to drop off our "spurious trinkets" in a stable.
ONE: Fair enough. I just think there's more we can do for him, that's all.
THREE: I've got it.
ONE: What's that?
THREE: Let's write him a song.
TWO: What? A song?
THREE: And I know just the perfect tune.
TWO: Don't say the Macarena.
THREE: (Deflated; he was going to say the Macarena)
ONE: That song is so outdated. It's positively Grecian.
THREE: Fine, we don't do the Macarena. What's another song we could do instead?
TWO: I've got one where I dress up like a little boy and wear a drum. You want to hear some of it?
ONE AND THREE: (Skeptical) Okay.
TWO: (Singing) "The ox and ass kept time, pa rum pa pa pum..."
ONE: Pa rum pa pa pum?" And the ox and ass references gotta go.
TWO: "I played my drum for Him, Pa-rum..."
ONE: A rap?
TWO: "I played my best for Him, Pa-rum..."
ONE: Please tell me that's not a rap.
THREE: (Excited) A rap!
ONE: (To TWO) See, you got him all excited again. (To THREE) What are you king of again? Like a bad 80s sitcom or something?
THREE: I am a king of many nations and my people have a very specific idea of what makes good entertainment.
TWO: So, you're from France?
THREE: (a la Jerry Lewis) "Hey lady…"
ONE: All right, this is getting us nowhere. (He sits, thinking hard.)
TWO: How about…
ONE: (Holding up hand don't interrupt) Eh! (Pause)
THREE: Maybe if…
ONE: (Holding up hand again) Eh Eh! (Pause)
ONE AND THREE: What if…
ONE: (Hand up again) Don't even! (Holding his palm to his forehead having a revelation. He begins to sing, "We Three Kings" in an over-the-top operatic fashion.) "We three Kings of Orient are..."
TWO: "Orient are?" Who are you? Yoda?
THREE: I think the proper English is, "We are the three Kings of the Orient." Or, "We three Kings of Orient be."
ONE: Will you guys just run with this, please? Geesh.
THREE: Maybe we should mention your frankincense.
ONE: That's a tough word to put in a song. Doesn't rhyme with much. Just like "orange."
THREE: Orange doesn't rhyme with anything?
ONE: Nope. (They all stop and think about this for a moment. After a while, no one can think of anything.)
TWO: No, nope, nothing rhymes with orange. Funny.
THREE: How 'bout "l'orange"?
TWO: You know, you're not digging yourself out of your Parisian hole with comments like that.
ONE: Can I say we're from the Orient? Or is that not G.C.?
TWO: G.C.?
ONE: Geographically correct.
THREE: I'm not sure. (Punning) I guess we'll have to re-orient ourselves.
ONE AND TWO: (To each other, nodding) France.
THREE: Look, maybe we could do a joke version of the song. Try to amuse the baby Messiah. How's this sound? (To the tune of "We Three Kings") We three Kings of Orient are...
TWO: Grammar...
THREE: (Ignoring him) Tried to smoke a rubber cigar. It was loaded, it exploded. BANG! Then one of us drops on the ground like he's dead and we start the song over. (Singing again) We two kings of Orient are...
ONE AND TWO: (Look at him as though he's insane)
TWO: That is some weird, morbid stuff there, buddy.
ONE: No more myrrh for you. (Takes away his box. Pause).
THREE: Okay, okay. I have another idea. It's kind of Greek-theatre-ish.
ONE: Here we go.
THREE: Let's pretend we are actually in the presence of the Messiah child, the child we've been waiting all of our lives to meet.
TWO: The chosen one who will be the fulfillment of all the prophecies?
ONE: The Son of God?
THREE: Right. This song isn't about us it's about Him. So let's picture ourselves standing before the Christ child's crib, the throne of the most high. There He is (points in front of them, they all look). The Alpha and the Omega. (They pause to look.) What are you going to do when you meet Him?
They pause for a moment before all falling on their knees, bowing and worshipping. They sing the last verse of "We Three Kings," which ends with, "Alleluia, Alleluia, sounds through the earth and sky."
ONE: (As they exit, to THREE) I'm sorry for making fun of you, saying you were from France and all. I take it back. You're not from France. Belgium maybe, but definitely not France.
THREE: Thanks, buddy. That's very kind of you to say.
ONE and THREE start to walk off.
TWO: Ladies, can we get moving, the King of the World is waiting. (Sees where they're going) You're goin' the wrong way! That's Syria? Who's got the sextant?
Lights out.
Performance and photocopying rights:
Your purchase of this script grants your church unlimited use of these sketches within your programs and worship services. You may photocopy the script for each cast member in your church. Scripts and performance rights are not transferable between churches and cannot be resold. You may not use the sketches for any commercial or fundraising purpose, and usage rights do not extend to video, radio, television or film.Copyright © 2002 by John C. Havens
