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61108 SMALL INVESTMENTS
by John Cosper
GENRE: Comedy
TIME: 5 minutes
CAST BREAKDOWN: 2M
THEME: Discipline; Avoiding Lethargy
CHURCH YEAR SEASON: Any
SUGGESTED USE: Worship Service; Bible Study; Sermon Illustration
SYNOPSIS: Bernie's wife is leaving him because of his lack of attention. His friend Russ tries to cheer him up but ends up only emphasizing the dangers of sloth.
CHARACTERS:
BERNIE—A guy whose wife left
RUSS—Bernie's best friend, a lawyer
PROPS: Jigsaw puzzle, table
COSTUMES: Modern dress
SOUND: General
LIGHTING: General
SETTING: Bernie's kitchen
SCRIPTURE REFERENCE: Matthew 25:14-30; Proverbs 6:6-11
DIRECTOR'S TIP: Have some fun setting the stage (if appropriate) by showing how Bernie's lazy lifestyle is reflected in how he keeps house. Perhaps his sink is full of dishes, or there are dirty clothes all over the floor. Have a pile of mail and/or newspapers littering the floor. Scenic elements such as these, besides getting a laugh when the lights come up, help demonstrate a lot about Bernie's character before he even speaks a word.
BERNIE is at a table, working a jigsaw puzzle. He tries to match up one piece in a few places, gets frustrated, and bounces the piece off the table. RUSS enters.
RUSS: Hey, Bernie.
BERNIE: Hi ya, Russ.
RUSS: Jigsaw puzzle, huh?
BERNIE: Yeah, but I'm about ready to call it quits. I've been working on this thing every day for three years, and it's still looking nothing like the Eiffel Tower. All I have is a kid with a balloon and a fruit cart. Yeah, maybe if I could give it more than two minutes a day, I'd be going faster, but who has that kind of time for a hobby?
RUSS: I hear ya.
BERNIE: So how was your day?
RUSS: Oh, splendid. Lost my appeal, and my client's going to the chair.
BERNIE: You're kidding.
RUSS: Nope.
BERNIE: The old lady who whacked her husband with an ax?
RUSS: It wasn't her, Bernie. It was the neighbor with the lazy eye. But the prosecutors with their fancy, big law staff made a bigger impression on the jury.
BERNIE: Bummer.
RUSS: I really thought I had this one. It was my first priority the last few months.
BERNIE: I know.
RUSS: First thing every morning, I gave the case a full five minutes. Sometimes six. Looking up a new law. Asking Mrs. Merton another question about the real killer. What do they want from me? Overtime? Is that what it takes to get justice?
BERNIE: I bet Mrs. Merton is burned up over it.
RUSS: She will be June 19.
BERNIE: Well, hey, now that that's out of the way, you can help me with my divorce.
RUSS: You're getting a divorce?
BERNIE: Apparently. Erin left me a note this morning. Gave me some sob story about how I never communicate, never pay attention or whatever. I didn't read it that close.
RUSS: You two seemed like you were so close.
BERNIE: We were. I mean my job and my hobby kept me busy most of the day, but she got the first word every morning—"Morning, dear. Sleep well?"—-and the last, "G'night, babe."
RUSS: You were so dedicated to her.
BERNIE: She's planning to take me to the cleaners. She wants the house, the boat, the kids, half my retirement and… (Trying not to cry) the PT Cruiser.
RUSS: No! Not the Cruiser!
BERNIE: That's what she took when she left with the kids.
RUSS: Don't worry, buddy. You'll be my first priority, just like Mrs. Merton was.
BERNIE: Great. Maybe we can go to the chair together this June.
RUSS: Have faith, my boy. I'll take care of you. Who's representing Erin?
BERNIE: The law offices of Jerry Flecker.
Musical sting, like the television attorney commercials.
RUSS: Let's settle this one.
BERNIE: I'm doomed.
RUSS: Hey, think of it as an adventure. You get to start all over as a single guy. Find yourself a nice bachelor pad. You have some money saved up, right?
BERNIE: I've been putting a little away the last year.
RUSS: How much do you have?
BERNIE: Fifty-two bucks.
RUSS: Fifty-two dollars??? You only saved a dollar a week?
BERNIE: I get paid every two weeks. So I saved two dollars every paycheck.
RUSS: That's not going to get you very far.
BERNIE: My life is over, Russ. I've lost my family and everything I've worked for.
RUSS: Hey, don't take that downer attitude. Look at the bright side.
BERNIE looks up for hope.
RUSS: Without her in your life, you've got at least an extra 30 seconds a day to work on the jigsaw puzzle.
Lights out.
Performance and photocopying rights:
Your purchase of this script grants your church unlimited use of these sketches within your programs and worship services. You may photocopy the script for each cast member in your church. Scripts and performance rights are not transferable between churches and cannot be resold. You may not use the sketches for any commercial or fundraising purpose, and usage rights do not extend to video, radio, television or film.Copyright © 2003 by John Cosper
