61043 THE GOLF GOD
by Troy Schmidt

 

GENRE: Comedy
TIME: 4 minutes
CAST BREAKDOWN: 2M (one a voice over)
THEME: Idols; Priorities
CHURCH YEAR SEASON: Any
SUGGESTED USE: Worship Service; Bible Study; Men's conference

CHARACTERS:
Bill—The faithful golfer
Golf god—Booming voice done as a voice over

SYNOPSIS: Bill worships golf (literally), but when the Golf god speaks back to him, he must decide his loyalty.

PROPS: A door (if possible), a cabinet (or blanket), golf clubs, tees, golf balls, candles
COSTUMES: Modern dress
SOUND: General, voice over
LIGHTING: General; possible use of spotlight
SETTING: Room
SCRIPTURE REFERENCE: Exodus 20: 4-6

DIRECTOR'S TIP: Props will really add to the humor of this scene. Besides the "golf shrine," see if your actor can adorn a costume as golf-oriented as possible: golf shirt, golf knickers, golf shoes and especially a silly looking golf cap. If the actor can make a necklace out of golf balls, all the better. Line his shrine with pictures of Tiger Woods, and make his candle stands out of golf tees. Anything to show him transforming his regular room into the golf shrine will go a long way to getting laughs.

BILL enters the room, looking over his shoulder, shutting the door and locking it. In the corner stands a large credenza (the "altar" could just have a blanket thrown over it). BILL quietly tiptoes over to that area.

BILL opens the door to the credenza (or pulls the blanket off it) revealing a set of golf clubs on an altar, surrounded by candles, golf tees, golf balls, golf shoes.

BILL lights a few candles and kneels in front of the golf clubs.

BILL: My most precious savior, gracious redeemer, the Titleist of all nations, I come before you humbly seeking your forgiveness. Lord, my scores haven't been what they could have. I haven't been spending enough time on the course, but I ask that you forgive me and help me tomorrow when I play my boss. Lord, he needs to be humbled, you know that. A score of 74 or 75 would really do the trick. But it's your will, not mine. If you think I should shoot an 80, god, I'll take that.

GOLF GOD: (Voiceover) Do you love me?

BILL looks around. Where did that come from?

BILL: Who's there?

GOLD GOD: Do you love me?

BILL stands, peering outside.

BILL: Who said that?

GOLD GOD: Do you love me?

BILL realizes the clubs are talking. He falls to his knees (maybe a spotlight could illuminate the clubs, giving them a holy glow).

BILL: You speak!

GOLD GOD: Do you love me?

BILL: Yes, yes, lord. I do love you.

GOLD GOD: Feed my instructors.

BILL: Yes, yes. I will. I'll take more lessons to improve my game. Only the best golf pros will do.

GOLD GOD: Do you love me, Bill?

BILL: Yes, yes, I said I love you. I do.

GOLD GOD: Tend my courses.

BILL: Lord, I will. I promise I'll fix every divot that I rip out and repair them with sand. I will.

GOLD GOD: Do you love me?

BILL: Lord, I love you. I've said that. It's true.

GOLD GOD: Feed my pros.

BILL: I will. I will go to more tournaments and buy more products endorsed by your apostle Tiger Woods.

GOLD GOD: Go and play the courses of every nation, baptizing your ball in every water hazard and teaching other foursomes the beauty of my game. And lo, I am with you always, except on the 14th hole of Pebble Beach. In the name of the Arnold, the Johnny and the Chi Chi. Amen.

BILL: (In tears) I will! I will! But Lord, I have one question. If I serve you faithfully and play more often, bringing other men with me, will my score go down?

GOLD GOD: Look pal, I'm just an idol. I can't do miracles.

BILL: Sorry.

BILL bows incessantly as he backs out of the room.

Lights out.

Performance and photocopying rights:
Your purchase of this script grants your church unlimited use of these sketches within your programs and worship services. You may photocopy the script for each cast member in your church. Scripts and performance rights are not transferable between churches and cannot be resold. You may not use the sketches for any commercial or fundraising purpose, and usage rights do not extend to video, radio, television or film.

Copyright © 2003 by Troy Schmidt