61116 QUITTERS ANONYMOUS
by Barbara Nelson

GENRE: Comedy
TIME: 9 minutes
CAST BREAKDOWN: 2M; 1F; Extra characters to make up the support group
THEME: Quitting
CHURCH YEAR SEASON: Any
SUGGESTED USE: Worship Service; Bible study

CHARACTERS:
Sean (may be male or female)— ready to kick the habit of quitting
Michael—a self-confessed quitter
Group facilitator
Other QA members

SYNOPSIS: Sean joins a support group to help her kick the habit of quitting, only to learn that she has mistakenly wound up in a group of self-confessed quitters who are content to stay just the way they are.

PROPS: Chairs, styrofoam cups
COSTUMES: Modern dress
SOUND: 3 cordless mics
LIGHTING: General stage
SETTING: A support group meeting room
SCRIPTURE REFERENCE: Hebrews 10:39

DIRECTOR'S TIP: Try adding some visual humor to this sketch. At various points throughout the drama, where it won't distract from the main action, have people get up from their seats and leave. The joke here is that they are at Quitter's Anonymous and are quitting the meeting during the sketch.

Several chairs are scattered throughout the stage. People are standing around drinking coffee from styrofoam cups and talking. SEAN rushes in.

SEAN: (Looking at a scrap of paper) I think this is the right place. Let me ask someone. (To one of the QA members) Excuse me. Is this the meeting for quitters?

QA MEMBER: Yes.

SEAN: Good. I'm in the right place.

QA MEMBER: Is this your first time here?

SEAN: (Enthusiastically) Yes.

QA MEMBER: I've started and stopped the group...several times. You know how that goes.

SEAN: Yes, but that's why we're here, right?

QA MEMBER: Right.

FACILITATOR: If everyone could take their seats, I think we're ready to start. (Everyone takes their seat) Good morning. Welcome to QA—Quitters Anonymous. A support group for quitters. We have a lot of people who want to share this morning so we're going to go right into it. Who would like to go first? Michael, how about you?

MICHAEL: (Apprehensively) Uh...all right. (Stands in front of the group) Good morning. My name is Michael and I'm a quitter.

GROUP: Hi, Michael.

MICHAEL: Hi. Uh...Where do I start? I've always been a quitter. I come from a long line of quitters. My father was a quitter and his father before him was a quitter. They never finished anything. Uh...I started college, but never went back after the first year.

Uh ...I've dabbled in several different careers, but never really stuck to any of them long enough to really accomplish anything. I'm already on my third, no, fourth church this year. I'm on my second marriage and it's going okay right now, but I don't think it's going to last either. What can I say? I start a lot of stuff, but...I just don't finish.

Everyone in the group, except SEAN, applauds as MICHAEL sits down

FACILITATOR: Thank you, Michael. Who would like to go next? What about Angela? She seemed eager to share at our last meeting.

QA MEMBER: Angela's not here. She quit the group.

FACILITATOR: Oh...Well that happens. Who would like to be next then?

SEAN waves her arm enthusiastically.

FACILITATOR: Oh, a new person. Please, come forward. Share with the group. (To the group) Let's make her feel welcomed.

The group claps as SEAN comes to the front.

SEAN: Good morning. My name is Sean and I'm a former quitter.

GROUP: Hi Sean.

SEAN: Hi. Well, just like many of you, I have a long history of quitting. Up until this point I can't think of anything I've ever finished to the end. But all of that's about to change. As of today I've decided to turn over a new leaf! No more quitting! From this point on in my life I will finish everything I start because I know that is the only way I'm going to ever achieve any of my goals. So right here! Right now! I pledge to stop procrastinating! Stop making excuses! Stop lying on God, talking about how he's led me to do something different every other month. And no longer will I...

FACILITATOR: Excuse me! EXCUSE ME!!! What are you doing?

SEAN: (Confused) I'm...I'm making a pledge not to be a quitter anymore.

FACILITATOR: I beg your pardon, but you're obviously in the wrong group. This is QA—Quitter Anonymous.

SEAN: Yes, where people are trying to kick the habit of quitting, right?

FACILITATOR: Wrong! All of us here are quite content in our pattern of quitting. I believe you are looking for Perseverers Magnanimous. They're the little "cheery" group across the hall.

SEAN: Across the hall?

FACILITATOR nods.

SEAN: Oh. (Gathers her things) Excuse me. (Exits)

The group watches SEAN leave.

FACILITATOR: (To the group) I hate that type, don't you?
Now where were we?


Lights out.

 

Performance and photocopying rights:
Your purchase of this script grants your church unlimited use of these sketches within your programs and worship services. You may photocopy the script for each cast member in your church. Scripts and performance rights are not transferable between churches and cannot be resold. You may not use the sketches for any commercial or fundraising purpose, and usage rights do not extend to video, radio, television or film.

Copyright © 2003 by Barbara Nelson